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Leveling Up in a Relationship: When the Woman You’re Becoming is Greater Than the Man You’re With

We know all too well the many different phases a relationship goes through. There’s the courting phase, then the dating phase, followed by the honeymoon phase, and then (what most people assume) a period of stagnation. However, like life, humans are in a constant state of change and this leaves little room for stagnation in relationships.

In many healthy relationships, couples fall on the same page in terms of life plans and their individual growth strengthens the relationship. It’s a beautiful thing when couples can encourage positive growth in one another that fortifies their union. Strong unions are like vines that have become intertwined so as to be strong enough to support the fruit they bear.

Though, in far too many instances the individual growth of a partner doesn’t always result in positive growth for the relationship. In fact, one of the many reasons couples break up is that their unions were formed on a weak foundation of hoping for change.

Sometimes we assume that we’ll rub off on our partners, that our behaviors will influence them in a manor more favorable to us. As if by being in closer proximity will convince our partners that our way is superior to their own ideas. We think we can set an example for them to follow, but rarely does it ever work.

Relationships are always adjusting to life developments, but sometimes our partners aren’t on board with the idea of change. You become part of your partner’s comfort zone and adjustments to anyone’s comfort can be expected to be met with resistance.

However, it’s one thing for a partner to have qualms about you taking on poor habits, but another when they become uneasy about you maximizing the benefits from nurturing your potential. If you have a man who is uncomfortable with you becoming a better version of yourself, it is likely he fears another guy will come along with the lifestyle that matches your new energy.

Relationships never stagnate, they are constantly developing. Whether that development is a positive or negative is dependent upon how compatible two people are in nature. I always recommend that a woman at least discuss with her man her higher aspirations and be sure he is on the same path. If he isn’t on board with seeing you nurture not only your potential, but his own, then it’s time to move on to the next one.

If you find that your growth and changes are creating tension in your relationship, you’re only sacrificing your character development for someone else’s comfort. In 2020 we’re not doing that, we’re getting what we deserve.

Lilith is a blogger with an emphasis in writing and reflecting upon social agendas that effect black women. When not at her computer writing she is more than likely still at her computer, programming. On the rare occasion that Lilith isn't at her laptop you can attempt to find her exploring the Chicago food scene or attending workshops in creative writing.

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