For many of us the scariest thing about breaking up is this fear that you won’t ever find better than what you’ve had before. We convince ourselves that our ex was as good as it gets and either try to rekindle things with them or quickly leap into another relationship with both eyes closed.
Being single feels like a punishment worthy enough to have its own level in Dante’s Inferno and we are willing to do almost anything to not have to endure the pains of singlehood any longer. I’m here to assure you that despite how you feel, you’re not only wrong, but entertaining thoughts dangerous to leveling up and dangerous to your goal of being in a healthy and happy relationship. Trust the process, and breakups and singledom are all part of the process.
Blocking Your Blessings
It might be hard to believe right now but being single is one of the best positions you can be in to get the kind of relationship you want. When you’re available that gives another man the opportunity to woo you sans barriers. By remaining hung up on your ex (yes, we know it’s just been a week and still don’t care) you’re blocking your own romantic advancements. Yes, you should give yourself time to heal and do whatever it is that you need to do but keep the pity party short.
I know it’s not as romantic to view love and dating in this manor but honestly, its all just a numbers game. The sooner you get him out the picture the sooner the next guy can step up and trust me, there will always be another guy and he will be better than the guy before if you don’t allow post-break-up-anxiety to get the best of you. Don’t go blocking your blessing by giving your ex more of you than he deserves.
Whether you’ve had a baby, whether you’ve done things with him you never would’ve done if you wouldn’t have though he was the one, it doesn’t matter. There will always be another guy. It’s never too late to carry your head high into the next phase of your life. People love confidence no matter the package.
Post-break-up anxiety is especially dangerous to women on a level up journey. If your ex was someone of a higher caliber the feelings of not being able to catch someone similar, let alone better, may become heightened.
However, the same rules apply. For it is the very fact that your previous relationship occurred that acts as testament to the fact that it can occur again. You just have to get moving along.
And while It’s important to get over your ex quickly, its not ideal to hop into just any relationship quickly. You’ve got all the freedom in the world at this point, I promise.
Just keep drinking that water, working out, and cultivating your peace because being single isn’t a punishment that a man relieves you from. It’s the perfect time to start combing through your options for the next Mr. Right.
Lilith is a blogger with an emphasis in writing and reflecting upon social agendas that effect black women. When not at her computer writing she is more than likely still at her computer, programming. On the rare occasion that Lilith isn't at her laptop you can attempt to find her exploring the Chicago food scene or attending workshops in creative writing.