If you live for the season where everything dies, then October may be one of your favorite months. For many Americans, Halloween marks the day where festivities begin and end. For others, the entire month is worthy of celebration. It’s the only time of year where their fascination with the dark and macabre is the most socially acceptable. Despite the themes of death and darkness that define October, the month has a very family friendly vibe to it.
This is largely due to century old efforts by the church and community leaders to minimize the witchcraft and horror associated with the growing popularity of Halloween. While it’s great that October is mostly known for being a time where friends and family get together, there’s a lot of untapped potential in October’s romantic side. Here, I’ve compiled a list of a few things you can do with your boo all month long to channel that romantic energy from the other side and grow closer.
Face Your Fears Together
There’s not a better time for facing the things that frighten you most than in the month of October. But what’s so romantic about coming face to face with the things that scare you? Facing your fears with your partner requires a level of vulnerability and being vulnerable with your partner opens opportunities for bonding. This is especially true if the activity you do gets your heart racing. If it awakens a sense of adventure in the two of you, that's a plus. Black women often times shun the idea of being vulnerable with their partners because we're expected to be strong all the time. These expectation comes from society and ourselves.
To face a fear of yours with your partner offers you the opportunity to lean on him for support. He gets to feel like super man and you get to feel like wonder woman for getting over your fear. Things like challenging your fear of heights, snakes, or even clowns might be options. If the fear is one you both have in common and are both willing to overcome, even better. A common enemy works wonders at bringing people together.
We tend to avoid the things we dislike, but there is a lot of opportunity for growth when we decide to deal with our fears. Growing with your partner is a good sign that you both will last the test of time. And even if you or your partner don’t succeed, it was still an opportunity for you both to make memories. Making new memories with your partner is in the formula for a good relationship. Go into this activity with the purpose of having meaningful fun.
Every day is Halloween
In October the boundaries between giving and taking become blurred. On Halloween day people give without expecting something in return and take without feelings of guilt. There is this transfer of pleasure and reward all for the sake of community. Kids show up to our doorsteps without fear to make their demands known and we indulge in their requests dutifully. I encourage couples to practice a little bit of that at the doorsteps of each other's hearts. Take the time this month to indulge in the little requests of each other all for the sake of your union.
And take this time to make a request by expressing your desires to your partner. Often times we as women expect our partners to be mind-readers or worse, put off our own desires for the sake of not coming off as too demanding. Communication is key in any relationship so put in the extra effort to do just that this month. You can’t do all the listening in a relationship and expect it to last. Nor can you do all of the communicating and expect it to last. Both should be done at the appropriate times. The mood October creates is perfect for opening lines of communication so take advantage of that.
Practice Some Witchcraft
According to legend, this month is also good for opening lines of communication with those who have passed. Not too many know about why Halloween is observed on the 31st of October. The end of October marks the transition between two seasons. It was believed by the Celts that this transitional period was a time where the borders between the living and the dead were there most fluid.
No one ever really likes to talk about death, but I encourage couples to take the time this month to dine with each other's ancestors. Take the time over lunch or dinner this month to talk about someone who meant a lot to you that passed and encourage your partner to do the same. Sharing in the blissful memories of someone who is no longer with you can be therapeutic. Let your partner decide who they want to talk about and create an atmosphere that is about celebrating the memory of this person.
Things like communication and being open to change are always named when making a list of what brings couples closer together. This is because those things are key to any relationship. But did you know that being a bug-a-boo to your boo could help bring you guys closer as well?
Research has shown that couples who laugh together last together. Being playful with each other is a fun way to bond. So whip out your white boards and markers and keep score of who can spook the other the most this month. On Halloween day, see who has collected the most screams from the other. Winner gets to be taken to a restaurant of their choice.
Horror Movie Marathon
If horror just isn’t your genre you might want to suck it up and bite the bullet. For many of the same reasons that facing your fears is helpful to getting closer to your partner, so too is watching scary movies. So if taking a trip to the tallest building in your city and looking over the edge sounds too daunting then a horror movie night might be better. It will illicit the same response from your mind that being under real threat would. Except having the safe embrace of your partners arms around you will remind you that you are safe. It's just a movie.
October is rarely associated with romance and love. However, this month offers a holiday that is one of the purest forms of humans celebrating the dance between life and death, give and take. In other words, Halloween is a lot like Love. So don't wait till the end of the month to cast a spell over your relationship. Take advantage of this transitional phase of the year and cross over into new heights with your partner.
About the Author
Lilith is a new blogger with an emphasis in writing and reflecting upon social agendas that effect black women. When not at her computer writing she is more than likely still at her computer, programming. On the rare occasion that Lilith isn't at her laptop you can attempt to find her exploring the L.A. food scene or attending workshops in creative writing.